l e f t - l i f e d

if it's loudly sung and in a foreign tongue...

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more crazy English
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(Thanks, Sandy Santana!)

· Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.

· A backward poet writes inverse.

· A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

· Dijon vu: the same mustard as before.

· Shotgun wedding: a case of wife or death.

· A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

· A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

· Dancing cheek – to –cheek is really a form of floor play.

· Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

· Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

· Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.

· When two egotists meet, it’s an I for an I.

· A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two tired.

· What’s the definition of a will? (It’s a dead giveaway.)

· Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

· In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.

· She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.

· A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

· If you don’t pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.

· With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

· When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

· The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

· You feel stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.

· Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.

· He often broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.

· Every calendar’s days are numbered.

· A lot of money is tainted – It taint yours and it taint mine.

· A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

· He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

· A plateau is a high form of flattery.

· A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.

· Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

· Once you’ve seen one shopping center, you’ve seen a mall.

· Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

· Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.

· Acupuncture is a jab well done.

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